Let’s face it… it’s inevitable. There is no escaping it. Conflict can show up nearly everywhere and without warning. Life is much easier and home feels more secure when you know how to resolve it in a way that doesn't end up in ongoing tension and leaves you both feeling stuck.
Some disagreements may seem trivial but too many of them resolved uneffectively can definitely have a BIG impact and disrupt your vibe.
Apply these 5 steps and make a conscious decision to handle conflict in your space with genuineness, skill and love.
Step #1 Get your mind right.
Step out of your feelings, find your calm and pursue an objective viewpoint. I know this is easier said than done. And that’s why its best to resolve conflict outside the heat of the moment. Intense emotion just complicates things during resolution.
Always keep your purpose and end goal in mind. Ask yourself, “what do I want them to know at the end?” “what do we want our outcome to be?”
Remember that you are one. You're on the same team and hopefully working towards the same ultimate purpose: to love. Shift your focus from how you feel to what you’d ultimately like everyone to gain.
Step #2 Learn the facts.
After you’ve gained calmness and a clear, judgment free perspective, it’s time to discover “what’s what… what actually happened?”
Abandon any assumptions and get closer to the facts. Get to know what it actually is. Not what you think it is. This requires you both to take a gentle approach, actively listen and provide authentic feedback. Seek clarity and learn how you can best serve each other.
Step #3 Call the problem by its name.
Recognize and identify the problem. Call it by name. The problem… not the person. Develop a clear understanding of what the problem is and prepare to learn more about your partner’s point of view.
Step #4 Show interest and learn their side.
Exchange and understand each others perspectives. Be empathetic and take time to learn and respect their side of the story. Encourage your partner to clearly state what they experienced and how this experience made them feel. Show interest in their perspective and share their side. It’ll be well worth it.
Step #5 Get on one accord and choose.
Now it’s time to identify a selfless solution that’s mutually satisfying. Yes, self-less. It can’t be all about you. Agree on a solution that works best for the well-being of your relationship. A solution where everyone is left feeling heard, understood and content. A solution where both of you leave feeling confident, understood and content.
Intentionally applying each of these steps and being aware of your role in the process is essential to infusing your relationship with empathy and understanding. Making empathy and understanding second nature will help you diffuse conflict, achieve a tense-less environment and create an ongoing culture of love and harmony.
Want to learn more about resolving conflict and building a peaceful space with your partner or help with your specific situation? Feel free to send me a note here to set up a complimentary consultation or appointment.
While this post does provide information on resolving conflict, it should not be taken as a ‘one size fits all’ solution or a guarantee fix for your situation. And it definitely isn't a remedy for an abusive situation and/or relationship. If you believe that you are involved in an abusive situation, please seek emergency help (911), professional counseling services and/or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1.800.799.7233).