Today, I want to briefly discuss a matter recently placed on my heart that I hope will be extremely helpful to you:
How you can begin navigating conflict with your partner in a way that actually can influence and produce change.
Yes, you can do this. It's very much possible.
But first, you must gain a team perspective.
We all know it's the absolute worst when you're in the midst of a disagreement, speaking your piece and when its finished, it seems as if it went absolutely nowhere. You're unheard. He's confused. And on top of that, you both feel strained and disconnected.
Although conflict is inevitable, it doesn't have to be dreadful to navigate and it definitely doesn't have to leave you feeling less than the team that you are meant to be.
To help eliminate this and make things a bit simpler, here are a few practical tips to help you cultivate a team perspective and produce a deeper sense of clarity, understanding and love:
#1 See them as imperfectly perfect.
Simply put, they're human. Beautifully created on purpose, for a purpose, just like you and I. Beyond all the layers of mess and nonsense, your partner is someone who feels, hurts and desires to be happier and whole. You both are a combination of imperfection, flaws, strengths and successes. Truly taking the time to realize, zone in and understand this concept will help you approach your issues with an open heart and intentionally focus on the right things.
#2 Confront the conflict, not the character.
I know this can be super hard especially when you have been offended. It may be your default reaction to go straight for the kill and attack your partner’s character instead of focusing on the problem. Although it may seem easiest, it rarely leads to them hearing your heart through your words and producing change. It usually leads to your partner shutting down, becoming more pissed off and you both digging deeper into the hole of nowhere.
Keep this is in mid: the two of you are a team. Not enemies. You both are on the same side. Remember to fuel your #teampower. Let your partner feel that you hold your relationship and what you have built together in high regard. Confront the conflict, not the character.
#3 Listen with intention and interest.
This is how you'll gain insight to produce the true, substantial change you want. Listen on purpose to learn and understand. Take time to dive into their thought world with interest and fully understand the message they are trying to convey. This is what helps your partner truly feel heard and understood. Kindly ask questions if you don't understand and need further clarity. This helps show interest and is a selfless approach with the power to resolve, transform and heal.
The goal is to equip you with the wisdom to develop stronger communication between you and your partner. Remember, by infusing these three simple steps into your relationship, you’ll be on the road to resolving conflict with clarity, understanding and love.
Hope this was helpful. If you have any general questions or would like to schedule a consult to chat, please feel free to send a note to us here.